cUrL uP iN tHe dArkNess...

This One I know...

2011-01-09T05:00:00.001-08:00

Someone who will love and adore.
I'm still in this sickness.
Everything is coming together.
This is what I call obstacles.
To be treated as one of a kind.
I know exactly what I'd be in this gallery.
Its just tearing me apart.
Starting from small steps again.
Why can't you see it like I do.
I pray for every nightmare to come to an end real soon.
Its just not fair.
Feeling it in with positivity.
Trying... At least...
My head just froze feeling this pain again.
Its worst than laying down on the hospital bed.
Playing with my mind ain't it?
Ok, I'll play it cool.
A breather is what I need.
Its just the matter of time.
I hate putting hope.
I hate doing benefits for others when all I receive is shits.
Don't be just another dime.
Just one last time...

Girl you're too fine...

2010-12-31T14:27:00.000-08:00

God broke the mold when he made this one I know
She's breathtaking but so much more
She walks in the room, your love's closed
Making you never want to breathe again

Her boyfriend has got so much dough
So much ice his neck and wrist froze
Is he faithful to her? Hell no
But she choose to be with him, shorty

Tell me is the money worth your soul?
Tell me what's the reason that you
Hold on when you know that dude
Has a whole wall of 'em just like you?

And girl you're just way too fine
Got to be treated as one of a kind
Girl use your mind, don't be just another dime
Because

I can't take
Seeing you with him
'Cuz I know exactly what you'll be
In his gallery

Just not fair
And it's tearing me apart
You're just another priceless work of art
In his gallery

She's so confused, she knows she deserves more
Someone who will love and adore
But his money's hard to ignore
She really doesn't know what to do

Girl it's just a matter of time
Before he finds another more fine
After he's done dulling your shine
You're out the door and he's through with you

Tell me is the money worth your soul?
Tell me what's the reason that you
Hold on when you know that dude
Has a whole wall of 'em just like you?

Now you're mine.

Trust myself with you.

2010-12-06T17:56:00.000-08:00

Don’t know who to trust
No surprise
Everyone feels so far away from me
Heavy thoughts sift through dust
And the lies

Trying not to break
But I’m so tired of this deceit
Every time I try to make myself
Get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how
Trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

I take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
Cause I swear
For the last time

I'll break this myself. MYSELF!

I'd turn this pain into a frame.

2010-11-28T16:27:00.000-08:00

Tell the devil i need a holla back cause i think he got the wrong soul. He chose the wrong soul to be he's partner. Stop burning me in the fire cause I hate being bombarded in this wall of darkness when all I see is pure sorrows. At night when the stars light up my room, i look up and tell him i really need my purity of an angel back. I don't need this anymore. I'm gonna start it one step at a time mending my own mistakes and show those who thinks i'm nothing, a lil something.
Watch me, and when i rise, i make sure the all the other karma shall fall back onto those who have been stabbing this shattered heart. I ain't gonna put the sun down no more. Only playing clean below the moon ad I hope you're on the other side praying you want me too.

2010-11-25T11:06:00.000-08:00

It had been awhile since I last stepped into this blog of mine. Yes?
If i'm right, let me recall, this blog is the legend.
The first blog I had. Followed by live journal and so on.
Since when have i ever bother to recall and reflect? hmmm... one point up!
Can't stop thinking bout you right now. REALLY i can't.

Call me Mr. stubbornness is my wild ego.

Don't ever feel like falling again...

2009-12-24T22:41:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I wish buddy could actually be less cranky and not compare me to yan coz its hard. Sometimes I wish me and buddy do not have to fight and always be alright. It hurts every time she just vents her anger like nobody's business and be all so worked up over something small. Miss the times where me and buddy always play and joke together. Buddy, if you're reading this, i'm sorry if at any point of time I have been out there to hurt you and made you feel all so shitty about situations. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy and always smile like the buddy I have in the picture up there. So yeah buddy, I'll always be there for you no matter what and you know it. So why waste this opportunity to make my buddy smile while I can :) I love you buddy, really do. Just touch your heart and feel me there whenever you feel down. You will feel that your buddy s there :)

Syafiq

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!

2009-09-19T23:57:00.000-07:00

Addicted to you....

2009-08-20T23:34:00.000-07:00

LEt me be your hero...

Baby that's why I need to be with you...

every breath is harder to believe...

2009-07-03T01:32:00.000-07:00

I take you by the hand and show you that you can...

So many things yet happening and its as good as I don't know where to begin.

So here I am still holding on, thinking every step is get to that one thing.

Sedation changes and heart beat pass louder. You thought my heart how to love, how to be strong, to be who I am...

I bet you believe that I'm better off with you then someone else but there's something inside telling me you're restless.... very restless. Miss me every time you don't hear from me. Admit it.

Then why carry on without me?

I feel so small, and I need you baby....

My weakness cause you pain, please forgive me.

P.S: I love you

here I am still holding on...

2009-06-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

I want to get to that one thing yet there'll always be a boundary. Wait, don't get me wrong we understand each other, definitely, but its just at times there's just this mistrust going on as you know I'm not that good a person and therefore things gets chalked up at times but COULD SOMEBODY TELL ME HOW DO I DO THIS?

How am I to assure her that there will never be a repeat of misuse of any trust again?

I've been keeping away from harmful break-ups and unnecessary arguments but like baby said, "fate is just ought to get me" maybe its out to kill me.

Just waiting for the time when I would see the light and just getting ready to walk into it....

How did the number appear in my phone when I didn't even dial the ghostly figures.

FUCK THIS FUCKING SHIT MAN!

seriously.....

The condemn of a soul...

2009-06-19T22:50:00.000-07:00

At 12 I woke up, feeling a little wrong inside. Not because of the dream I had but the feeling of insecurity. This heart tells me not to dwell over it, yet my head keeps haunting me. Its telling me to take action but my conscience tells me to take it easy and hold onto patience.
Is the love i'm giving strong enough? Am i assuring you security? Are you tight in my arms?
Seeing others looking at me as a blockage is driving me insane. I wanna be as strong. I wanna prove that i'm worthy of you. I wanna be always next to you, in your arms.

A recall of an outing.

Seeing you running around and teasing each other sometimes makes me feel so small. I feel that i'm loosing my grip. At times he tells me what to do without me asking for help. At times i too want to handle the situations on my own. I feel as if he's taken over my duty since i was away for few weeks. I wanted to have assurance that baby would be fine that's why i assigned my bestfriend to be on duty, but not till e extend of crossing over the boundary.
I see you two get closer at times and it makes me weak. I just fall on my knees and sometimes just pretending as if everything is alright. Trying to smile and fit in at times.
Yet i know i'm the inferior one. Yes jealousy is poisonous and therefore i'm not going to reach that state, as for i know it is the killer of all relationships.
Its only on this blog that i'm going to express my feelings and just let it burn.
P.S: I love you.

2009-05-04T05:39:00.000-07:00

My baby's Entry:

The entry of happiness, so not.

Why am I in this predicament? Again.

Its the 4th of May and I fetched my treasure from school. He had math and chemistry exams today. That's life. Full of challenges. Sucks right? Hope he's coping fine. Frankly I'm not very worried. He's the stronger one b/w us. He always is fine.

Now you see... Can someone tell me why again is love so challenging? Challenges are suppose to make people stronger but trust me, it only eats me up bit by bit. Not as pleasurable as when my treasure "EATS'' me but life's a complete bitch. The only thing that's nicer is if bi's around. Thank God he is here.

You know sometimes when you're fallen too deep into something, you can't get out...

or at least not just yet? Meaning, its kinda hard to adapt. I do not understand why is it I gotta adapt to a nasty surrounding. I get it. Life does not always serve up on a silver platter but believing in that fantasy makes me the way i am. It makes me happy. It makes my life happy :). So you see... I don't see why it is wrong. Different people have got different styles to which they handle situations. My treasure always tells me this, "You gotta learn to handle things maturely and this is the maturest self-reflection yet. My treasure wants me to give and take so here goes nothing. I've gotta handle everything negative that happens b/w me me and treasure. "ON MY OWN". Treasure's sole advice was, "do not sadden your face too much while doing it". Funnily, I don't get enough strength from that but i'll try. Fate be on my side, and God let treasure know that I do try. I'll keep trying.

Oh... And this remind me, my heart dropped when treasure said that she thought being close to me would make us stronger. Its sure made me love you more alright!!!

just, just... Is it always so wrong that treasure keeps me even closer when I feel Fucked up? Sometimes maybe sometimes, can my treasure not be practical but instead heart to heart at times. I'm not asking her to pujok all the time, some quality I learnt while living life with him. Just let me feel like your baby that is always safe under your wing??

Dance to the rhythm

2009-05-03T10:44:00.000-07:00

This was taken by my lil brother. FARIZ! :) hhahahahaha

2009-04-16T02:57:00.000-07:00

One word: I love you syng...many many!

tak bedek!

Today I woke up late, 11am. My baby got worried thinking that I didn't go to school as usually I would drop her a morning msg but today I didn't and that is how she knew I wasn't in skl. I love my sweetheart lah seyy. Sorry to get you worried my love.

I had math test and oral today. Think that i'm gonna flung my math test and black guy gonna screw me up with eyes rolled upwards...hahaha...Oral was great!

Baby got shocked cause I fnished early. I wanted to meet her early lah that's why I kinda faked that I had tuition. She cabbed down in shocked with the tone "huh" why so early, i wanted to watch my chinese show". cuute right she...

k i'll make up for that. Baby if you're reading this post, I want a kiss.....Love you!

2009-02-06T19:26:00.000-08:00

Just the other night where I heard you cry. I'm here with you to tell you that you're not alone and that you're always in my heart. Through lonely roads I'll run, I'll storm the boulders to get to you. Though at times were far apart, I'm always here to stay. Your smile has always brighten the paths. I'm so glad to be yours.
Hey one of a kind,
Journey this little story with me, and I'll promise to always keep you safe here with me!

Nothing much in mind!

2008-12-24T02:41:00.000-08:00

An Extra Lonely Christmas Eve....

Can't deny that adrenaline is rushing hard with boredom completing the whole irony of a rainy day. The best part, is the part where I can't meet my love as she's real busy with preparation for Christmas and having a Christmas Eve dinner with her family. Oh my, a gloomy gloomy day. Just occupying my time till it reaches 10pm where I could start letting my soul free(sleep), than the next day would be a happy happy day! YEAH! I say this with persistence: "Love, you know sometimes when I think is I would not have you, I would rather be by myself". I really miss you at thins point of time lah seyy. 10.30 till pa fetch me together with cupcake. Cepat sikit!

"Come let me grip that handle. Well gonna make it clap clap clap clap. Let me put your freaks out. Get fuck in this cube! We're gonna shoot em down" : listening to this jump style remix(florida ft. Dj rang) so i'm just being random. Alright people go get drunk!!!!!!! :p

Seeping through the blood

2008-11-29T04:41:00.001-08:00

Its just tearing me apart everytime you're so confuse thinking you deserve more.

Tell me if you are just way too fine, thinking that you need to be treated as one of a kind.
You're just a master piece who can't appreciate your beauty. I know what exactly you'd be like in your own gallery. Thats why I'm here to paint a perfect picture of you dearest, but can't you just give me space to try to make you smile. I don't mean harshness everytime a slight doubt rises. Perfection has its price my love. You don't every need to be perfect in this world cause you'll just keep stumbling in your own grief. Your the hardest story that I'd ever told so far, but i'm trying my best to make it last.

Don't you go on wasting everyday with glorious arguments. I'm sweating, trying to pretend that nothing ever went wrong. Why can't you just see a happier side of life and feel that we've wasted everyday by sighs. After nights that I've wasted in sighs, I'm just begging you at this very day to just give me a lil bit more of love. Try to understand and wake up from your child-like world and stay in reality. I'm facing hardships and yet dealing with all tensions and tears. Trying to understand you is difficult. Being petty is not helping dearest. I just need you to listen and not dwell over small issues. Sometimes just maybe sometimes I just need you to get it. Stop hurting me with these ways of yours alright. Just stop choking me. Last but not lease, all I need you to know is that I love you. Just leave me alone for now alright, I need space to breathe.

Off day!

2008-11-05T08:24:00.000-08:00

Isn't the frog cute??

Ok, where do I start...
Well guess I overshot today.
Supposed to get my ass outta house by 10am and yet i'm only awake at 1pm.
Oh boy did i get hell from cupcake.
Hehe. Oh well....My bad...Sorry syng!
Listening to love bug by Jonas Brothers. Miss my bro seyy.
quote to yan: "remember how retarded were we at expo's mrt station??" "susu, susu,susu" haha.

(And bro, Farah came online seyy!! Chat with her for abit. Gosh missed that girl)

Wait where was i?? Oh ya, anyway, from town we went to toa payoh to accompany mans for her dress. FUCKING cute sia!
Then came home to my house where the truth was revealed to my grandma that cupcake has a tattoo on her back. Luckily we covered up fast and grandma was just sighing away.haha. hilarious.
We had a talk on how long we are lasting so far and i'm kinda proud about it.
Though fights and arguments were going on and not counting the irritating 3rd parties, were still as strong as ever.
Its true when they say, when love is strong nothing could ever break it apart.
All you gotta do is hold on tight and just communicate.
Last but not least. Qoute to cupcake: Love you my ketam syng!! hehehe...
Ok signing off now...gonna chat with cupcake and then off to bed...zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

I will never try to deny...

2008-10-15T14:29:00.000-07:00

I don't need another woman...

TOday i woke up and the first thing i rush for was my babygirl. Picked her up from school and we went to Suntec to chit chat. Boy I love her. Its been 11 months and it was about 5 minutes ago that I saw her smile. Hey yan, i'm sorry that our last hang out was a disaster. I promise that we'll have a proper hang out soon okie dokie?? Had a lil bit of misunderstanding la bro.....SOOOOOOOOOO sorrrrrrryyyyy!!!

A lil picture to update:

I pointy you!!! :)

HAPPY 8monthsary My CUPECAKE!!!

2008-07-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

Match made.

Natasyafiq

No other replacements

There will always be the day that i'll be taller :)

Happy Feets

I'm so....unexplainable

2008-04-15T09:08:00.000-07:00

In this condition of sorrow, i slowly pick myself up again. I didn't do the things i've done on purpose. Why am I always trapped as the prisoner, of a door locked upon the edge when i could be busy reaching for the star i've been looking for. Am I craving for another happiness to heal the thirst of tasting the next happy moments in life?? I don't wish to waste another day, but everytime I find the higher side of myslef, i'll always find someone standing in my way, ready to throw me down again and again. Mutilated in this wonders of the underworld, I whisper: am I dead yet? I don't mean to drag it on, but I can't make you face this world alone. And i just can't think, anything that I'd rather do. Is every word spoken to me a lie?? For now, u're the only one that keep me strong, my love, bestfriend, soulmate, inspiration, you're just my everything.....
But it seems that everything is shattered....
Thank you for your love that we have shared in this relationship...

star student falling asleep....

2008-04-11T22:33:00.000-07:00

a bad face of love...

2008-02-20T08:38:00.000-08:00

This post is for all the people facing the bad face of love:

A relationship that you thought was broken beyond all repair still has some life left in it. Today, figure out how you can put it on the road to recovery. There are two people involved in this messy situation, and each of you has your own apologies to make. Be a hero and be the first one to extend an olive branch. Call them up or email them today. Let them know you're thinking about them and be honest about how you feel. Let down your guard and speak from the heart. IT Really Works!!!

Be My Valentine...

2008-02-13T08:18:00.000-08:00

Be my Valentine: What does that mean??
Each of us must walk through life alone,
More deeply desolate than we have known,
Yearning for a truth we've never seen.
Valentines are from beyond that dream,
Are like a sunrise on a world of stone.
Little on this journey can we own.
Except as miracles might intervene,
No way but through loving might we give
The freedome of our being to another.
In such a sacrifice we hope to live
No longer bound by dreamsof flesh and bone,
Even as we bind our lives together.

Pictures!!

2008-02-09T09:51:00.000-08:00

Jus What's Within me...

2008-02-09T09:22:00.000-08:00

Time goes on a string as it takes no redemption...
Happy 3rd monthsary to u ma lil boo....
With my chickenpox healing, now i have the hope of going back out to where I belong, doing the craps I usuall do...
Trying to quit my smoking habits, i think the chickenpox really helped. Havent been smokin approximately say 4 days now...
Butterflies in my belly now, I don't know why, trying to slow em down... First time in this month that i'm wide awake this late tonite. Can somebody shake my ass for me?? Randomness i know. Damn i'm bored... Valentines Day is coming and U're RESERVED just for lil Fiq... I have plans coming for you, don't you get shock coz i'm gonna make it speacial...
Yesterday afternoon was fun being with you...The movies were awesome...
I'm gonna be gone next week n i'm gonna miss you bloody hell LOADS!!! Dun u get naughty when i'm gone... i'm trusting you....
i'm tripping now thinking bout e hours that i'll not be here... at e same time i'm getting e shivers thinking bout e fun there'll be in KL... I'm having a dilemma confused between my emotions and my feelings...
Till here for now.... Getting drunk with words in my head ....

2008-01-11T08:59:00.000-08:00

What will you do if your heart was torn in 2??

More than words to tell you that I love you. Through this time that we'd been through and still are, we'll fight, and ain't no way i'm gonna let you down anymore. Once is enough. Whatever obstacle that comes out again, i'll protect you with all I might even if it has to take my life away.

Girl you represent everything.....

Its hard right now...I know...Fucking bastards are turning in to ruin it...promised that i'll stand by you, don't worry babygirl, i still am...
Right now, its all about trust and honesty. Times like this is what I hate. comes out, crying, it'll be alright just take my hand and hold it tight. I'll be here don't you cry. My arms will hold you and make you safe and sound. Although how far apart we are, nothing and I mean it, NOTHING will take us away... You'll always be in my heart...
NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY!!!
YOU'll ALWAYS BE RIGHT HERE ======> MY HEART!

2008-01-04T05:03:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year....
Or should I say sad New Year...

The fire works at esplande were GREAT...!!! Putting aside the crowd and the fights, other than that was awesome! Giving thanks to my both cuzzie and lira for coming out with me...
Sorry mummy that I didn't get the opportunity to spend this year's new year with you... Even though u were not with me, i know you were somewhere near the melion smiling in joy that its new year and you know that i love you mummy...!!!

Choking as I entered the year of 2008, things did not really turned out as how as how i expected. Tried hard to put it aside. A smile is all I have to make it real. Drop by drop my tear shed, looking back at 2007, it was all so fast. I asked myself if i was dreaming.

BAck IN SCHOOL!!!
YAY!!!
The universe is changing and so are things around me...Responsibility is my only new year's resolution for the upcoming events... Bad nor Good i'll try very hard to continue this life with my love ones till my last breath... Thinking ahead, sometimes it makes me scared, yet it only takes time to capture my life time opportunity...
counting the no of hours till the next school day....Right now, sighing I say: IF only life would be less cruel and more meaningful to me....

2007-12-21T03:36:00.001-08:00

Challaet on the 18th...It was great, putting aside the part i'm getting drunk and the other shits...
Arrive at about 3pm at the challet lobby i guess. It was awesome having my class and my friends around although i'm sorry that some drama had to happen. Thousand of apologise to all my friends if the challet didn't turn out fun....

20th DEcember...
Hmmpz...Where do i start...
picked up David at his house, brought him Christmas shopping with Nikkie and Megan. Thanks for tagging along guys. Love yall.
Saw you standing at the gate looking at me. You got me ten feet off the ground. I'm hearing what you saying but a word doesn't seem to be drowning in my head. Told me that you love me, told me that you need me but i'm afraid its all fake. Told me that you're tagging along with us but in the end its all words again and again. You didn't come cause you busy with your new boyfriend in the house. You made my friend cried and you owe her an apology. Kept things calm and cool but deep inside i'm drowning in tears again. Called me when your boyfie left and told me you wanna hang out. Alright, so we met and you told me you missed me. I could just smile and I will never tell you how much i'm hurt inside. Why can't you just stop lying and stop making things so difficult for others to understand you. I just hope one day u'll change.

Today...
You're probably half-way on your flight back to your home town. I came to see you go cause i hope you know that i'm going to miss you like how i miss my teddy bear when i'm on a holiday. Well now i realise that not all fairy tales have a happy ending do they?? I'm hearing stories about you but my head just can't belive it, and so does my heart. Saw your plane depart and my eyes filled in tears. My heart was thumping fast, hearing your voice playing in my head: "I'm gonna miss you, fiq" and how you smiled before I last saw you at the gate. It'll be 2 weeks till your return. And by then I think i'm not going to be in Singapore. Went home after your departure and i'm taking this far as possible. I'm not the only one that's feeling this way. I just hope you know how I feel..........

Love's a Bitch....

2007-12-13T06:45:00.000-08:00

Sewaktu kau melangkah
Meninggalkan diriku
Sebaknya rasa di dalam dadaku
Menahan titis air mata
Ingin aku berpesan
Kepadamu kekasih
Sekiranya engkau merinduiku
Hubungilah aku di sini
Jika ada kesilapanku
Maafkanlah diriku oh sayang
Dan izinkan aku bertanya
Mengapa kau berubah hati
Kiranya kau ada penggantiku
Tetapi hidupmu tak bahagia
Relaku memaafkanmu
Dan menerimamu sayang
Walaupun hatiku kau lukai
Namunku masih menyayangi
Kerana sehingga waktu ini
Cintaku masih untukmu
Oh sayang di mana kau berada
Janganlah kau lupakan aku
Ingatlah aku walau sesaat
Seorang insan yang terluka.....

2007-12-10T03:46:00.000-08:00

...............

2007-12-07T08:18:00.000-08:00

This video was taken at random.
location: Chinatown Alley.
Please don't try this in public...

2007-12-02T06:31:00.001-08:00

1st December 2007 (Saturday)

Woke up at 3.30pm and yet i still feel very lethargic.
I feel that i'm getting weaker each day, but the hyperness in me still stands. Met up with iszfa, kelly, adam and dude(niven). All of us were dressed in BLACK. Cool huh. The crazy 5. haha. We headed to Kaye's party at Tanah Merah after we met up at Tampinese. The food at Kaye's house was awesome. The kebab and sausages. Yummy. Halfway through the party, we(shaunna,dude,me,adam) left coz adam had to go and the remaining three of us went off to another party at upp thompson. Woah, the party was awesome. Music, drinks, ec...how great could life get?? *smiles*
The house was freaking ass huge...like someone hit me man...Shaunna was dancing her ass off...haha...Went off at abt 12.45am. Shaunna dropped me off at Kallang and dude took another cab home to Tamp...Vrooom...

2nd December 2007 (Sunday)

Didn't really get enough sleep. Urghh. Forced myself up at 8 IN THE MORNING. Had to attend Chinese tution. I don't know why the hell my mum enrolled me in this tution for. Ouh well, did some chores. Went peninsular to get soccer boots. At 1pm, i had a shock of my life after getting a phone call from someone. Rushed back home before going to yio chu kang....

Felt like a scene standing there seeing you walk away. Every night, before i moved on, i had always been wishing that you'll come down back to me. The calender had always been stucked with thoughts of you and me. You always told me that you loved me but then again, you tear me up into an open wound. Bleeding. Choked by the words you always said. You didn't love me, but you wanted to use me instead. After sometime, you made up your mind that you'll leave me. It was simple for you to say "I want a break up bcoz I love him. I'm sry". But that was the past. I had always wish I could find the words to say, everytime you leave. I don't want to be like this, I just want to let you know that everything I hold on to is everything I couldn't let go. I dialled up your number a few times but why can't I just make the call. And now, you've change, for the better. One thing that really made me a happier person now is that, you sticked to your promise. But you got to understand that we'll never belong together again coz i'm taken. Its too late right now. I know you wished that you could turn time, but i'll still be here if you ever have any doubts in your life. I'm sorry. I have to go. But one thing for sure, memories of you will always be in the pages of my life. You were and always be the first girl who ever thought me about love. Thnk you so much for everything.

Speak of love...

2007-11-27T05:20:00.000-08:00

Something Bout What Love Is:

Say that you love me
One word from you that i'm longing to hear
I'm not able to read your eyes
neither can i tell what is in your heart
after this words were wasted in sighs,
failure will never overcome this fear.

Were apart within distance
I'm blind, deaf, i can't hear what is written within you.
All I can hear is the whistling tone of you heart...deep inside...

Why is it hard to fullfil this love
To say it out
To show that its true
To say that I miss you
To tell you that I love you

Crushed deep inside, singing this to you
I can never afford to let go
Through rainfall i'll run
Gasping for the last breath, i'll do
just to be with you.

The sound of the crowd seems so far away
Carrying this lonely times
I'll always find my way back to bring you to my arms again.
Falling over again
life is passing on again.

Fantasy turning to misery here.
But it'll lead me on.

ps: Tormented Souls! TM

This is me....

2007-11-21T08:07:00.000-08:00

As the fish grows the water serves me a better treat.
As my days grows the toutre told me a better treat.
As my life shows me the way,
Tears are being dragged AWAY!!!

Explainable....

2007-11-17T05:29:00.001-08:00

EEekk...Hus that...

haha...well that picture was taken last year...jus saw it in my comp...
Well, so far it was a great day today although I was hibernating at home, at least most of the hours I can recall was spending time with my siblings...
Yesterday was quite a busy day...Met my loved ones in the afternoon (yan, both S/Chermain.....Nat & ma dude: Mans)...
We spent almost half of the day in Tp Town Park slacking...
Something shocking happened at Town Park but I won't mention anything...JAKE...Ehem...End of Topic...
Half of them went home at bout say 4plus after eating at LJS...It was left with me, yan and chermain...*Bored*, we went too watch a movie (BRATZ)...Can you actually believe it...but the movie was awesomely funny....
I Miss You Babygal....

2007-11-14T02:14:00.001-08:00

"PoPs" behind the curtains....hahaha...

You really think you could go through all this, don't you.... U're one hell of a stubborn bitch..
Did that came from me..?? Errr, the bad news is: Ooops and the good news is: Yes! That came from me... you can discriminate me all you one, i DON'T CARE!!! But think twice if u're gonna step on my loved ones... Cross my dead body gal... You know everyone have a limit when it comes to patience... And patience has reach its limits of shooting its bullets to you... I'm sorry but i really dun knw what have i done to make you criticise me so much... I didn't even bother ur life... A busted u wanna say...?? *All mirrors are put infront of you by me*..... Look into the mirrorS and you'll see what you have said to others coming right back at you... Ask yourselv, is it worth doing this?? Or is it better to tlk out anger than to bitch?? Will it choke situation and make it worst if you were to express anger in a positive way.... Everyone makes mistakes but its never too late to erase all that bad things you've done.... This post is espeacially FOR YOU!!!! If you feel it, than u're the one i'm tlking bt.....

I feel it....

2007-11-12T00:19:00.001-08:00

Its tearing up today...me..
I really haven't understand if things were getting out of hands...
Alright, its all my fault..I do admit...But please don't misunderstand...
I'm down on my knees, begging...Please let me go...
And now, no matter what I do, I feel the pain...with or without you...
I had never bared any grudges with you, but it always torments me apart to ignore...
Right now i'm not feeling any situation...Where is the best place to be in??
I always get straight with honesty, but it was never through with myself...
I plead for a thousand forgiveness...I wasn't awake at times when i hurt you...
I can't take it anymore, and if you need me...Jus tell me...

My friends: I know i had been hiding somewhere far, not really concerning bout all of you, but that does not mean that I dun love you guys... I seemed to forget and get drifted away by this emotions..but i jus dun wan u guys to get the wrong idea...I needed time, and i swear i had never forget all the things we'd been through together...Birthdays, memories, moments of sorrow...EVERYTHING!!! N i miss it...ALOT!!! If only I could take out my mind and show it all, I did it...

MYsterious Girl...

2007-11-07T02:25:00.001-08:00

BaBYgAl....

My mind wants to explore The tropical scent of you Takes me up above And girl when i look at you Oh i fall in love No doubt you look so fine Girl i wanna make you mine i want to be with a woman just like you No doubt i'm the only man Who can love you like i can So just let me be with the woman that i love.... Baby girl... shine like a looking glass Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh mysterious girl I wanna get close to you Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh Mysterious girl move your body close to mine.Girl you are me heart's desire And you alone a set me soul on fire. Me tell dem girl you are me heart desire And you alone... watch diswatching the sun go downThe tide is drifting inWe can get closer now and feel the warmth withinCos i'm looking in your eyesFeeling so aliveand girl when you touch meIt's time to take it through the nightGirl i wanna be with youI wanna spend the night with youI need to be with the woman that i loveGirl i wanna do to you All the things you want me to....
grabbed from mysterious gals lircs...C

What am I now??

2007-11-05T03:22:00.001-08:00

Did you really think i was blaming you??
Let me get this straight, u can go on n hate me all you want but somthing i need to tell you is that i'm sry if i ever hurt you...sry if it was ever a mistake to be with you...
But one thing you need to promise me is that never neglect me as a friend please...I just wanna see you smile....
It was all my fault I admit...I had never backfire you to say that I put the blame on you...
If you could only understand my feelings...
Sorry just seems to be the hardest words......If you think that its best for you to hate me, then i can't stop that...
Just know that me, mel and dashni and cupcake will always stand beside you to guide you and make you happy always....

I'm confused...

2007-10-26T07:56:00.000-07:00

It used to be a painful journey for me when they say the word "life". I always get confused by its meanings and the tales behind it. Being a refugee in this cold war had made me seen enough tears being shed and wounds being turned into scars. Sometimes wounds could be treated and somtimes it is just left open, bleeding, continuosly. I have always learn to accept that it is not all the time that we will win. There are just somethings that, although reluctant, I just gotta let it go. At this point of time now, deep inside, my tears are drown but I just gotta pick myself up and leave everything behind. I had never tried to make it so personal. Although being a victim of a broken heart, I just wanna rebel but I don't wanna repeat tales that had became fantasies. Why are things coming into a rush all of a sudden. Today was just the worst day lah ok....!!!!

Told me you loved me....

2007-10-17T04:46:00.001-07:00

Things come crashing on ME.....

Tonight I'm alone again like many other nights,
The moon is the only thing I could relate to till the dawn breaks.
Why did you shatter the love that was was glorious when you knew my love to you was faithfull??
You tore my soul apart without thinking that it will just hurt me.
I did not ask for it and it was not my decision,
for this breaking love.
I tried to grant your every wish even when I know it would hurt me deep inside.
Even how you hate me, i'll always be here praying that you'll see the light one day.
All I wanted is for you to be happy, my love.
Despite the pain that I bear inside, I want you to move on without thinking of the scar you left in me.
All I can do is just live in tearful memories of you.....
You will always be my heart and soul.....

Another day of us....

2007-10-15T05:56:00.001-07:00

Time really flies...
well...at least I had fun... It has always been happy moments whenever i'm near my friends..
ouh well but everybody has to go when duty calls...movie, karokae and madness, how great can it get?? Today was the best day of Raya for me... The mee hoon was great: 'Thanks nenek, much loves from me'. The movie session had my ears death, with mel screaming as usual..haha...
The funness ends tonight when something reluctant happen...Seriously I hate my life...
Its always said that life has to go on but have you ever experience yourself being stuck in a position where you can't do anything to undo mistakes that would be better... all you can do is watch a person cry and can't do anything bout it.....I love my family and don't want to loose anyone but it seems tonight that everything seems to be different...dreams just shattered...

2007-10-12T21:07:00.001-07:00

SeLaMaT HaRi RaYa....

I woke up shivering, coz someone pulled the whole blacket for himself...I pulled myself up to 'sembahyang rayer'. After the praying ceremony, went to 7-11 with my other friends to hang out for awhile....gosh we were nuts lah seyy...everybody started bursting out in tears and laughing at the same time...As i was walking home I see families walking pass me and was even more eager to go home to pay respect to my mum and grandparents. And before I even reach home I already saw didi crying outside when i asked why, he said sedih(sad) don't wanna salam parents...haha...stupid ass... As i am writing this blog, more people came over...arghh...fun3....

Bila orang sudah jadi tua,Perasaan semua pun sudah tak sama.Sudah banyak blur gua punya mata,Lanchau pun sudah kurang pergi rasa.

Ini tahun ramai orang jadi kaya,Naik banglo tak paya pelan pun tak apa,Makin angin macam makan gula,Pergi meeting di hotel besar besar.

Namun hati ku kosong dan sepi sekali,
teringat kenangan lama yang mengisi hati.
hanya yang terdengar lagu azan yang bergemar,
tanpa merasa hangat tagan mu yang menyebar.

I want it that way...

2007-10-12T03:21:00.000-07:00

I want it that way but it turned out this way...haha....

Eve-rayer...

2007-10-12T03:03:00.001-07:00

There is something still missing...
Woke up feeling tired...went geylang again last night...it was quite pack but i manage to push through the crowd...phooow...
Had a lil bit of argument with lil miss amira cos she thought that i knew she was waiting for me when i went to meet my friend for awhile...
She got worked up and decided not to reply to my msg last night...but everything was clarified today...yet, the fact that she misunderstood the situation is quite hilarious....coz u know, girls like to roll thier eyes and etc...ouh wells...
Besides the commotion, I rushed home to help out with chores to prepare for Harri Raya. I am Happy that it is Harri Raya but i'm not really happy to celebrate it coz i know something is still missing...but then again to c my family happy, i gotta be happy 2...

Mika....

2007-10-12T02:48:00.000-07:00

TRY NOT TO LAUGH!!!

Once friends...Always are...

2007-10-08T04:34:00.000-07:00

Too much that we have been through together...
First thing first, to all the graduating classes, i'm gonna miss you guys a hell lots!!! Espeacially, to Melissa mike, Melisa Ng, Adeline Tan, Natasha siow, Amanda Latif, Dilmeed and not to forget the one that i'm gonna miss the most...Lilia amira...Minah rape!!! hehe...If u're reading this blog, don't take it too hard ok...
I'm not going to erase everything that we've been through together...All of you will always be in my mind and the memories that will always lies at the canteen table, infront of the drink stall...That was how we first met and how you guys finally leave the school...sobs...All the best to all the graduating classes...You guys will make it!!! Definately...Leave the sorrow behind and aim far...!!! You'll eventually get there....
To my classmates...all the best for the math and mother-tongue paper coming up...For someof us who will not be in the same class again, whatever it is, the spirit of 2/5 in 2007 will never be forgotten and will always lie in all of us!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! ALL THE BEST!!!
To the 2/6 gals...Putri, i'm sorry if i ever hurt ur feelings everything that I said to you all was out of anger...I didn't say it in purpose to hurt ur feelings....And to the other 2/6 gals, all the best for the rest of the papers...If we were to be in the same class next year, hope everything will turn out good...GOOD LUCK!!!

2007-10-07T00:50:00.000-07:00

Those Words just make me weak.....

I can barely wake up today. Had a wierd dream that woke me up, gosh. The rain just stick me to bed. Everyone one in the household are just busy with thier own chores. Last night I barely slept. Was talking on the phone till 4am and I didn't sleep after that. Went Geylang before that and I almost got into a fight. Street life, what you expect. Street life for me was long gone, but its still in me at times.... I barely understood what was the defination of life last time. After I saw how cruel life could get, I always get afraid easily but sometimes I just got to try to make myself strong by facing all the cruelty. Well I guess I gotta go and do my chores and study for my Science paper tomorrow... All the best to all my classmates, Love you guys...Till here....

Lying In the Misery of Life.....

2007-10-06T01:18:00.000-07:00

Taking baby steps to success. Is this me today standing here? I keep asking myself... Am I still awake or am i dead?? What is love...
I've make the change but sorrow still sinks deep inside my blood. I didn't ask for it but i'm put by reality in the a place so dark, so cold....
Exams are still not over and I am crying my lungs away not getting any facts that i have learned into my head.
Cry alone...
I'm trying to put the pain aside but it just hurts me like a needle and an ink poking my skin. No one is here with me to take me to the light.
I guess, I shall just try to find the right door of light...
I still belive that although loneliness intakes my fear, as i'm blown away by the words said around me there can always be miracles. All i can do now is to believe and fight for success....